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For one day, I was a mommy on duty. I had breakfast with my daughter, gave her a bath, prepared her things, drove her to school, stayed outside her room until they were dismissed, we had lunch and then went home so she could rest after a long day.
This is one of my dreams -- to spend time with my family.
I would want to wake up each day next to my husband and two daughters on a big comfy bed, share every meal with them and hear their stories about work and the people they meet and the experience they have that day, driving them to school, and reading them bedtime stories until they fall asleep and I kiss them goodnight.
I hear a number of working mothers who are worried that the time may come when their kids will choose to be with their lolas (grandmother) over them, or worse, their yayas (nanny). This was my dilemma, too. When my eldest daughter was growing up, she would ask for her lola (my mother) instead of me. And every time my aunt comes home to Tarlac, she and my daughter are inseparable. They are the closest. I think this was because my aunt spends all of her time with my daughter during her entire stay.
But there were also those times, while my eldest was growing, when she would cry every time I leave for work. And yes, it was painful.
And now, another painful situation. My youngest daughter's yaya left after New Year and we haven't found any replacement until now, so we had no choice but to let her stay with my mother-in-law in Nueva Ecija. Nueva Ecija is an hour drive south from Tarlac, where my eldest daughter stays with my parents. My husband and I are working in Pampanga, another hour drive north of Tarlac.
As you can see, the quote "So near, yet so far" is very applicable to us.
Yesterday was my Youngest Daughter's Birthday
Yesterday was Elise's birthday, my daughter. We celebrated it in Nueva Ecija. We spent the whole day with her and she was very happy. There was never an instance that she threw a tantrum. All she did was tell stories, hug and kiss us, and says, "I love you." It was obvious that she missed us so much.
But in the evening, we had to leave. We cannot even bid her goodbye because we cannot bear to see her cry. My mother-in-law had to distract her so we could leave. When we got home here in Tarlac, we asked how she was. My in-law said that Elise looked for us, asked where Daddy, Mommy and Ate were. When she realized that we already left, tears fell from her eyes. She went inside her room, laid on her side, and cried quietly until she fell asleep.
At a very young age, she felt extreme joy and extreme sadness on the same day. I blame myself for this. As a mother, this breaks my heart.
This Pain Forces Me To Grow
This pain becomes my very strong emotional why for aiming financial freedom. I have been thinking, that if I am financially free, I could quit my job (no matter how good it pays) and just take care of my family.
I want to get out of the vicious cycle that I've been for so many years wherein my salary just come and quickly go, and my time away from my kids because of work just goes to nothing. And these are the years where my daughters need me the most. I must make up for it ASAP!
As parents, we are working very hard for our children's future. But does this necessarily mean that we have to miss the present?
Set a Goal and Use that Pain to Motivate You
As I write this, I pray that God blesses us abundantly, grant promotions, open doors of opportunity, and increase our income and help us attain financial freedom so we could spend time with people who truly matters to us.
As for me, I'm giving myself four years at most. I will be a full-time wife and mother, and everything else will just be part time.
Now, may all our dreams come true!
